Our Family: Start to Finish

I've been pondering for months the story of the completion of our family, and how to share it. Our oldest son was born nearly five years ago. The delivery did not go so well, but in the end, both he and I were safe. While recovering, I was told that it was incredible he was conceived, and it would likely be very difficult to achieve it again, if it could be achieved. Also, due to the method of delivery, we would be limited to three children, should we be able to have any more. 

Ironically, I was pregnant when given that news. Mason had left someone important behind upon his arrival: Brennan. Brennan wasn't about to be left out. Eleven months after Mason graced us with love and joy, Brennan graced us with more adventure. After Brennan's delivery, I was given the same news I had received after Mason. 

My heart ached. For anyone who has known me growing up, they know of my love for children. However, I knew my life could totally be complete with two (possibly three, if we got lucky) children. 

And so for three years, we lived our lives with little thought of "our last child." We had discussed attempted timing. We knew that we didn't want more than 4 years between Brennan and our potential last child so the youngest was not completely the odd one out. I had felt strongly that there was another little boy aching to come play. However, when Mason turned 2, he began to pray for a little sister every time he said a prayer. Occasionally, he would pray just to pray for a little sister. It was sort if a game in my mind: which one of us was right? (Answer: Brennan. Brennan prayed for a cat every time Mason prayed for a sister. The cat came first). 

With Brennan's third birthday, our lives started falling into place for our next child. In May, we put an offer on a home, hopefully, but not expectantly. Surprise! We got it. We moved in shortly before B turned 3. Other small pieces of our lives came together. Figuring it would take several months for the success of our next child, we left the fate of our future in divine hands outside of what should have been a successful time frame. It was within two weeks that I was very confident I was pregnant. Upon being very confident I was pregnant, I was also quite confident it wasn't going to be a normal pregnancy. Conceiving children, while theoretically should be difficult for us, is definitely not a problem. In fact, we should probably stop sharing forks and washing our clothes together: just in case.

Of course, we immediately began praying. Matt wasn't thrilled about the idea of twins, and while I was trying to remain open to the possibility, I wasn't exactly thrilled either. While we waited patiently for my first visit "baby" visit with the OB (I had seen him already through the pregnancy for severe dehydration from HG), we went on vacation with my in-laws. Fun fact: hiding HG while living with someone for over a week is a teensy bit of a challenge. 

During our visit to Kauai, I had a life changing experience. I will share that another day. :) 

When we returned home, I decided to change my perspective. I kneeled in prayer and asked that if it be the will of The Lord, bless us with his children. If He is going to bless me with twins, may he also bless me with gratitude for their presence and the ability to adequately love and care for all of my children. Immediately, I felt an overwhelming peace and I knew: it's twins. I told Matt. I think he knew too, but he stayed in denial until three weeks later when we had scientific evidence. 

And so arrived that fateful September day. I was one week shy of my second trimester. When the nurse couldn't find a kiddos heart beat, they pulled out the office ultrasound. There they were. Side by side, exactly the same size, mirroring one another. It was as though they deliberately showed up at the same time. I was a little shocked that my instincts had been correct, but not surprised. The Lord had prepared me. At this point, because of their size and placement, we were unsure of whether they were fraternal or identical. We knew they had their own placentas, and they were safe.

Flash forward: five weeks later we were able to see the genders. They are fraternal. So, I'm blaming this twin thing on Mason. Have you ever seen a child diligently pray for something? For years? How could Heavenly Father ignore that? That little boy has been part of the plan from the get-go. Mason prayed that little girl here: I am sure of it. I am also grateful for it. Mason and Claire will have a relationship of strength, love, and big-brother protection. It will be interesting to watch through the years.

So, here we are. We have two days until the arrival of our last children. While the future is never certain, I am certain of this: while our family was not necessarily planned by us, it was very carefully planned. Mason is the most genuine and incredible child I have ever loved. Brennan is the most independent, diligent, and sweet spirit my heart has embraced. While I haven't yet met Claire and Landon, I know they will bless and strengthen our family with the qualities of their personalities. I will be challenged by them so that I may learn. I will love all four of those kiddos every second of their lives. I will peacefully embrace the closure of our family (even though we all know I could have ten children and be a happy camper) because this is the way it has been planned for us. There is nothing that brings me more spiritual completion than knowing that while this is the end, it is also the beginning. From here, our children grow. We do our best to raise them as functioning members of society and loving children of God. When they are grown (and we're empty nesters around 40, suckers), I'm left spending the rest of my life being the matriarch of a family where my very best friend is the patriarch. We get to watch our children adventure into life together.  When we want to make their choices for them, we have each other's hands to hold. That, in itself, is more than I could ask for. I don't know, but I think the universe knew what it was doing when we were brought together.