The Secret to Happy Kids

Time. Surprise, it's time.

I had began to notice that since being pregnant, the happiness of myself and our kids was on the decline. M was starting to develop a shorter fuse and B was spending more and more time alone with his legos. I was tired, and frustrated that I couldn't keep up with housework as fast as my munchkins were providing it.

I kneeled down in prayer, in desperation, and cried. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what was different. I had been assisting at the preschool my children attend and I felt like I was falling behind in all areas of life. I sat in meditation for several minutes, thinking about every time I had seen the boys laugh in the last week. That laughter is what brings the spirit of family alive in our home. The longer I meditated, the more examples I could recall.

Laughter came when we were together. Ok, so we needed to spend more time together. So now I needed to figure out how to balance time spent outside our home, working from home, and quality mother-kid time. These are the changes I made in our lives:

1. Literature
The boys and I were reading before bed time, but we weren't spending a lot of time reading together during the day. We now have changed our routine so that we read 4-5 children's books after breakfast. It's time consuming. Many days, when the work load is heavy, I feel like I don't have time for it. I have skipped it about 4 times in the last month. Every time I have skipped it, I have regretted it. Reading together does several things for us: it creates time where we can discuss subject matter of the imagination; it resets our brains so that we are focused positively on one another; it helps us to let go of real world problems for a few minutes and pretend we can smell Big Smelly Bear.

2. Snacks
Let us be honest, I don't have time to sit at the table for 20 minutes on days I have work. I try my hardest to have my day's work accomplished by the time my husband gets home so that my kids can have one attentive parent for the night. I can imagine it's not very much fun to watch both of your parents smile and nod as they work away on the computer. However, I decided that I need to change this. When my kids get home from school (or when we are ready for an afternoon snack on our days off), I don't throw a peanut butter sandwich in front of them and continue to work anymore. I have started to make snacks based on servings of fruits, veggies, and proteins. Then, I sit with them and eat a snack too. Through snack time, I have gained insight into the depths of their imaginations. They like to make up stories to tell one another when they eat. I'm a quiet observer, but I now have 20 minutes every day to appreciate a part of my children I wasn't taking the time to fully appreciate. It gives me quite the look into their personalities.

3. Crafts and Activities
During the weekdays on two or three days of the week, I plan an activity for us to do together as a family. Monday, of course, we have FHE after dinner (and I totally count that).  Tuesday, after snack time, we also do an activity. This week we made cat toys. The cat toys were fun to make, but they served a double purpose. The boys could play with the cat very happily while I worked after craft time. It gave them a sense of pride in accomplishment, and it gave me 15 extra minutes. While we plan our crafts for Tuesday, I try to set aside another day of the week to paint or color together at the table. Often times, we write books. I know these are things that I will cherish in the future. In the mean time, it is really fun to write and illustrate with one another. On days I am short on time, I give them a coloring page to do together as siblings. It helps them to create a loving relationship with one another.

4. Five Minute Snuggles
I don't always get five minutes, but I have started a resolution to get at least 30 seconds at a time 3-4 times a day with each kid. This makes a huge difference. In the morning, when we first greet one another, I am sure to give them a hug and remind them that I am grateful for a piece of who they are. I do it again after breakfast, before school, after school, before/after/during dinner, and while we read for bed time. I not only do this with them, but I encourage them to see the good in each other. If I tell B, "I love the way you scrunch your nose when you're sneaky," then I will ask M, "What is something you love about B?" We do the same for Mason. By doing this, I have noticed that even when they are galavanting around the house as pirates, they are more considerate of one another.

We have come a long way, and we have a long way to go. There are still days when my temper is short. There are becoming more and more days where my energy is short and by the end of the day, I need to just take a moment on the couch so I don't meet those new babies too soon. This post makes me sound like a super mom. Let me assure you, I'm not. I am a normal woman doing the best I can: just like every other mom I know. Every day I wake up and I roll with it. I do firmly believe that quality time is the best thing you can do for your children now and in the future. If you are not spending moments bonding in friendship with your children while they are young, they are not going to trust you when they are older and they have something important to say. A foundation of a good relationship with young children creates the opportunity to have a more productive parent-child relationship as a teenager. If anyone taught me that, it's my mom. She has always been my friend. For the most part, I felt like I could tell her about anything as a teenager. What I couldn't tell her, I could tell my Aunt Wendy. Between the two of them, information made it's way back and forth. I am so incredibly grateful to have had that support system during the "scary years."



I have to admit, my dad and my sister-in-law helped me to get a slide in our house between two levels of our house. It has been a pregnant lady life saver. If I need a break, I can tell the kids to go play on the slide. I will post some pictures when I get our play room painted and the slide opening framed and looking nice. It makes me feel like the coolest mom on the block. I have always said that when our children our teenagers, I want their friends to come hang out with them at our house. I strongly feel like that is something that has to start now. It's habit that is harder to create later. I'm excited to have the slide bring some of our best friends into our home more frequently: especially through the cold Idaho months.

I would love to hear how other moms (especially those working from home) find a few moments in their day to spend quality time with their children. I know that I am so blessed to have friendships with women who are a lot better at dividing time than I am.

I hope that every mom knows that we all do our best. We all fall short. Every one of us is a normal human being. If you are consistently trying to do the best you can, you are doing enough. It doesn't hurt to seek betterment, it is a symptom of humility. While raising children, you are raising the future. That is a pretty incredible power. I love each and every one of you: you are trying.

D&C 93:40 "...bring up your children in light and truth."